Single Mom with five kids, ages 10 and under… I never thought that would be a phrase that could accurately describe me but here I am. I have two sets of twins and a singleton in between them. Their ages are currently 10, 10, 3, 20 months, and 20 months…three girls and two boys. This ride is so incredibly difficult…but so amazingly beautiful as well. They are the best kids a Mom could ask for and they fill my heart with so much warm and fuzzy stuff each and every day.
However…
This.is.hard. Single. Mom. Single Mom. Five kids. Five of them. One of me. Tired. Every single minute of every day and night.
I was married for 21 years and, even my ex-husband would tell you that 19 of those years were spent mostly happy together. The beginning of our story started like a fairytale and we felt so lucky and blessed to have found one another. We had to be very intentional through many years of fertility challenges, but we ended up with the five awesome kiddos we had been praying for since the beginning of our lives together. We were the best of friends, great partners, stellar co-workers and intense visionaries together. We made so many memories, weathered so many storms and it just felt like it was going to be for life.
And then one day, I discovered that the man I had known and shared a life with for so long was just not there anymore. And this happens, people. People change, desires change, needs change, vision changes…But it’s so hard when you’re on the receiving end of this change in a person, and you’re just trying to understand what’s going to happen next. There is so much to unpack about this situation and I am nowhere near done with processing the fact that my wonderful, thriving marriage is now in my past.
I am working hard to be a great co-parent, and to find a way to truly be friends with him again–but this is proving to be one of the most challenging times of my life. My love for God and for my children motivates me and powers me on toward developing a new union of peace and stability with this stranger…the man with whom I previously shared such an incredible journey for two decades of my life. One of the toughest mountains I’ve had to climb in life is to continue to show compassion and love to the person who has shattered my heart and damaged the spirit within me. I am forever changed in so many ways.
I truly hope that one day, I will regain the lightness that my heart has enjoyed for so long. I’m not there yet, but with patience, grace, and forgiveness as my heart’s goals…I know that I will be there again. I am still trying to figure out how to navigate the path to a fulfilled and beautiful life. And my five little ducks are a great catalyst for that lightness to return. I see it a little more each and every day.
My thought for today is to strive for kindness, even when it hurts. Simply fight to be kind…to yourself and to others. Life is hard. Good relationships are a treasure, and they usually require a lot of hard work and determination when they are true. Sometimes they last and sometimes they don’t. But in the end–either way–we learn so much about ourselves. And as for me, I still believe it’s better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all.
Tammica, thank you for sharing your story and being so vulnerable. I especially like the challenge to strive for kindness, even when it hurts. That is a serious struggle for me but one I know I need to overcome.
Thanks for the encouragement, Devika! Striving for kindness is a struggle for most people, especially when the other party is not doing the same.
Tammica what a truly wonderful and inspiring story of bravery and kindness so excited to share on your journey with your family on your blog!
Thank you so much, Holly! I am happy to have you come along on this crazy ride with us!
You are an inspiration! I understand what it feels like to have a spouse change on you. But, you got this! 😊
Thank you, Kim. I really appreciate your encouragement. I wish that you couldn’t relate to that kind of pain.
Beautiful family! You are so inspiring for being so positive in such a difficult life circumstance. I wish you all the best for you and your kiddos future, you got this!
Thanks so much for your well wishes, Adrienne! It means a lot to me to have a supportive community on this journey.
What a personal story, I don’t know where to begin. 5 kids? Yowsa! A marriage broken after 2 decades? Wow! Your strength and spirit shows through in this post. I have been through some trying times during my marriage of nearly 18 years and have struggled through remaining in it for about 4 years due to changes that were not of my doing. However, you said it best and it appear this is what keeps you going…it’s better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all.
Thank you for sharing your own personal experience with me, Judean. I am hoping that my vulnerability might help someone else going through a similar situation. It sounds like you have a strong spirit yourself, and I truly wish you all the best for a beautiful future.
Girl, I feel you and I hear you! You are awesome. Your kids are lucky to have you. One day at a time. Keep pushing and remember who you are and what you want for your kids. You’ve got this. Thanks for sharing your story.
I appreciate you, Chantelle! That’s great advice, and I will always keep pushing and striving for the sake of my family.
Thank you so much for sharing your heart with us. I see you. I know it’s hard. I know it takes time to process. Way to go momma. If you need to hear it, know that I sincerely mean, you’re doing great and your kids are beautiful.
Thank you, Angella. You have the gift of empathy. I really appreciate your kind words.
Thank you for sharing your story. I cried reading it. You ROCK and you are amazing. My heart has gone out to all of the single moms during this time especially. It will get easier, you won’t be beyond exhausted forever.
Wow, Emily. You are too kind. I appreciate your empathy and uplifting words. It really encourages my heart right now. How did you know that I am beyond exhausted? Lol. It’s a happy exhaustion and it won’t last, so I try to drink in the moments.
SUCH a beautiful piece of writing! You have such a pure, kind attitude and I greatly appreciated your vulnerability. Beautiful children. You are amazing.
Aw thanks, Amanda! I feel like I am successful in my striving to be kind on most days, but I don’t always excel at this. I really appreciate your support.
Tammica, thank you for your honesty and your vulnerability. Bless your heart! You are one strong mama! Well done. And I want to say thank you too, for striving to make it work with your ex. My parents divorced long after I had left home. I was married with two kids – it was completely devastating to me and my siblings. But then…. after a few years, my parents became much better friends than they ever were before. Now, they are both remarried, and the greatest blessing to our family is that we all spend holidays together. This probably seems so foreign to you right now, but with God, ALL things are possible! Blessings to you and your beautiful crew!!
Thanks so much for your personal response, Erin. It definitely seems foreign to me but I am always interested to hear what the children of a divorce have to say at any age. I feel like it will give me even greater insight for helping my own children through this. I, too, believe that all things are possible with God! Much love.
My mom was a single mom of 5 kids too. However, she was single within a couple years of becoming a mom so we all grew up only knowing that life. We’re all 21-28 now but I think it is still hard on her after all of this time.
Thanks so much for sharing, Eva. It’s sad for me to think that my family will be so heavily impacted by this, even many years from now. It motivates me to strive for a healthy relationship with their Dad and to always keep the lines of communication open in our family. Blessings to your family.
Tammica I wish I could sit down with you and talk. I’m a single mom of 5 (just one set of twins!) and I relate to so much of what you’ve shared. Thank you for sharing your story.