Single Mom with Five Kids

Single Mom with five kids, ages 10 and under… I never thought that would be a phrase that could accurately describe me but here I am. I have two sets of twins and a singleton in between them. Their ages are currently 10, 10, 3, 20 months, and 20 months…three girls and two boys. This ride is so incredibly difficult…but so amazingly beautiful as well. They are the best kids a Mom could ask for and they fill my heart with so much warm and fuzzy stuff each and every day.

However…

This.is.hard. Single. Mom. Single Mom. Five kids. Five of them. One of me. Tired. Every single minute of every day and night.

I was married for 21 years and, even my ex-husband would tell you that 19 of those years were spent mostly happy together. The beginning of our story started like a fairytale and we felt so lucky and blessed to have found one another. We had to be very intentional through many years of fertility challenges, but we ended up with the five awesome kiddos we had been praying for since the beginning of our lives together. We were the best of friends, great partners, stellar co-workers and intense visionaries together. We made so many memories, weathered so many storms and it just felt like it was going to be for life.

And then one day, I discovered that the man I had known and shared a life with for so long was just not there anymore. And this happens, people. People change, desires change, needs change, vision changes…But it’s so hard when you’re on the receiving end of this change in a person, and you’re just trying to understand what’s going to happen next. There is so much to unpack about this situation and I am nowhere near done with processing the fact that my wonderful, thriving marriage is now in my past.

I am working hard to be a great co-parent, and to find a way to truly be friends with him again–but this is proving to be one of the most challenging times of my life. My love for God and for my children motivates me and powers me on toward developing a new union of peace and stability with this stranger…the man with whom I previously shared such an incredible journey for two decades of my life. One of the toughest mountains I’ve had to climb in life is to continue to show compassion and love to the person who has shattered my heart and damaged the spirit within me. I am forever changed in so many ways.

I truly hope that one day, I will regain the lightness that my heart has enjoyed for so long. I’m not there yet, but with patience, grace, and forgiveness as my heart’s goals…I know that I will be there again. I am still trying to figure out how to navigate the path to a fulfilled and beautiful life. And my five little ducks are a great catalyst for that lightness to return. I see it a little more each and every day.

My thought for today is to strive for kindness, even when it hurts. Simply fight to be kind…to yourself and to others. Life is hard. Good relationships are a treasure, and they usually require a lot of hard work and determination when they are true. Sometimes they last and sometimes they don’t. But in the end–either way–we learn so much about ourselves. And as for me, I still believe it’s better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all.