10 questions I like to ask my kids after school

You have reached the inevitable moment when your day has sped by and it’s time to pick your kiddos up from school. You’re tired, stressed and/or just generally in need of more time in a day, but the moment comes crashing into your world anyway. If your kids are like mine, they all have a million things they want to share with you and it spills over furiously and loudly as they barrel into the vehicle.

At some point, I need to add some structure to the stream of consciousness soup spilling out of at least three kids at the same time, so after seatbelts are on and hellos are complete, we take turns telling about things that happened during our day.

Here are some of the things I like to ask my kids after they get done with their school day…

General questions I like to ask my kids

1. What happened that made you smile today?
2. Who was your favorite person from today?
3. Describe what gave you the most fun during your school day…
4. Did anything strange or weird happen to you?
5. Do you remember having an experience that made you feel bad today? With a student or a staff member?
6. Did you feel safe all day at school?
7. What was your biggest obstacle or challenge today?
8. Did you help your teacher in the classroom today? How?
9. If you could have done one thing at school that you didn’t get to do, what would it have been?
10. What was your favorite class today and why?

And sometimes, you need to help your young kiddos work on their narrative skills for storytelling and writing in language arts...

11. Bonus question: Take me through your entire day today. Tell me what happened and don’t leave out the fun parts! (This one works best when there are not as many kids waiting to talk.)

Questions I like to ask my teens

Most of the general questions I listed above make sense for teens as well, but you could modify the list to use teen language and/or go more in depth to get them talking.

Important Note: These are teens. Sometimes, they just don’t want to talk or they are not ready to talk to you. Extra patience may be required here.

1. What is something you did today to make someone smile?
2. Who was your favorite person from today, what did they do for you and how can you be the encourager for them tomorrow?
3. Describe what gave you the most fun during your school day, and do you think it will happen again tomorrow?
4. Did anything strange or weird happen to you? How did it make you feel?
5. Do you remember having an experience that made you feel bad, or embarrassed today? With a student or a staff member?
6. Did you feel safe all day at school? If not, did you ask to see your school counselor?
7. What was your biggest obstacle or challenge today, and who helped you through it?
8. Did you help your teacher in the classroom today? How? Was he or she encouraged?
9. If you could have done one thing at school that you didn’t get to do, what would it have been? How can we make it happen?
10. What was your most successful class today and why?

Questions I like to ask my kids when they need to laugh

1. If you could take one person from your class to the moon with you in a rocket ship, who would it be? What would you do there? (They don’t have to be in your class.)
2. Let’s pretend you could choose one person to have to walk around all day in a clown costume so they would be nicer to people. Who would you choose and what funny thing would they have to do?
3. Okay…Mama needs a new name. The structure is three words, and the first one has to be another word for mom. The second word is any vegetable. The third word is a verb or action word. Ex. Momma Corn Popper (This always gets them smiling and in a better mood, and they get to call me that for the rest of the day.)

Looking for more ideas for silly conversations? Check out this article from a former preschool and kindergarten teacher. https://simplyfullofdelight.com/48-funny-questions-to-ask-kids/

Kids don’t always want to talk

I will say it again. Sometimes, kids just aren’t ready to talk. They are not in the mood, or they’re tired…or they are simply more interested in something they see outside as the car is moving. It’s important to give kids some space to decompress, just as adults sometimes need that space after a long work day.

I am open to having complete silence in the vehicle on the way home, but this has literally never happened in my family. However, as a parent, I think it is vitally important to be able to read your child’s non-verbal cues. There have been instances where the silence from one of the kids was due to something I would need to draw out of them in order to help them. Here are some examples of what I mean:

• They are being bullied in school.
• One of them got a really bad grade and doesn’t want to tell me about it.
• A child was trying to black mail my second grader for money and he didn’t know how to handle it.
• Someone lied to the teacher and felt so ashamed that he didn’t want to open up or talk to anyone.
• They feel overwhelmed by scary thoughts related to a school shooting that happened near their school.

These are actual examples that have happened within the last six months, and that type of silence needs to be addressed.

Silence is not always golden

I have questions I like to ask my kids when I think their silence is related to something that is bothering them. These questions can be simple but lead to the right opening for them to talk:

1. Is something bothering you?
2. Did something bad or embarrassing happen at school today?
3. Do you have anything that you would like to share with me later when we get home?
4. Does your body or your mind feel bad in some way right now? Would you like to tell me how I can help you?
5. Do I need to contact a teacher or one of the parents of a classmate to help you address a problem at school?
6. Was there anything you were asked to do at school today that you felt you could not accomplish?

Final thoughts…

I like to ask my kids questions that will get their minds moving in a creative and fun way. I want to help them transition from the school mindset: perfect daily structure, walking in single-file lines, peer pressure and assigned tasks. It’s not an exact science, and sometimes the conversation changes based on their moods, school events, or even national and international happenings.

It’s easy to have a vibrant conversation when my first grader just celebrated a classmate’s birthday in the final minutes of school–and I know this because he has a character ring on his finger (cupcake decorations) and the bottom half of his face is covered in blue icing.

But sometimes, the after school discussion needs a little something extra to kick it into high gear. I hope this list helps to get the ideas flowing for you. Which questions would you add to this list?

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