7 simple ways to connect with your kids right now

Feeling distant or not so close to your kiddos these days? This can easily happen to families at times since we all contend with so many outside influences: work deadlines, extracurricular activities, school functions, screen time, social media, video games, etc. Before you know it, everyone is retreating to their own corner of the house to do their own thing. And YOU…you have a million and one things to do to keep it all going, but you don’t like the feeling of the family being disconnected. The good news is that feeling close to your children doesn’t have to be difficult or time-consuming. Here are 7 simple ways to connect with your kids right now…

• Get on the floor (or the ground) with them. This works every single time! It may be because of the effort it takes a grown-up to get down on the floor or ground, but once you are there, it’s a game changer for them. They know that if you made that effort, it means you want to be with them in some way. Plus, there’s not much else you can do once you’re down there (unless you start obsessing over dust bunnies or dirty baseboards). But one thing is certain…you have to be intentional while you’re there in order to connect with your kids. Don’t just get down there…make it count! Wrestle with them, tickle them, play thumb war or rock/paper/scissors…they will love it! And you will connect with your kids in a fun way.

• Initiate an eye-level conversation with them about something that interests them. Okay…so I don’t know about you, but I am a master of the auto-responses to make my kids think I’m listening to them, even if I’m not. There’s “mm-hmm” and a non-committal “really” here and there, and let’s not forget the generic “cool” or “that’s great” thrown in. Many times, I just don’t have time to stop and listen to every story they want to share about some random show they’re watching on Netflix or their favorite Pokemon. But I know the power that eye contact with my children holds. So every now and then, I find a moment to be one-on-one with each child, bring up a topic I know will get them talking and sit very still to listen to them. They feel so special when Mom takes a moment to make eye contact, show that I’m listening intently and respond in a meaningful way. What an easy way for you to connect with your kids at any moment of the day.

• Touch and Tell – Combine physical contact while telling them something you love about them. Touch is such an effective way to connect with your kids right now. Karen Young at www.heysigmund.com notes the following about the power of touch… “Oxytocin is affectionately known as ‘the cuddle chemical.’ Affection that is wanted causes the release of oxytocin. It helps to nurture feelings of trust and connectedness and it also reduces cortisol (the stress hormone). Twenty seconds of affectionate touching is enough to trigger the release of oxytocin.” You can read the full article here: https://www.heysigmund.com/the-remarkable-power-of-touch/ Our children thrive from knowing that we believe in them, love them, cherish them and value them. We can communicate these things with words, but touch has always been a much more valuable tool for me when I want to communicate my feelings to them. All five of my children were preemies and lived the first weeks of their lives in a hospital Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU). According to the above-referenced article, “For babies to thrive, they need to be touched. Premature babies who received three 15-minute sessions of touch therapy each day for 5-10 consecutive days gained 47% more weight than those who received standard medical care and all the nutrition, warmth and physical security.” I spent tons of time in the NICU with each baby giving them direct skin-to-skin contact (also called kangaroo care because you put them in your shirt, like a kangaroo would put its offspring in its pocket) so that they could gain strength, gain weight faster and get healthy enough to come home. My babies flourished quickly and went home well ahead of schedule, and science has proven that being skin-to-skin with Mom has a direct and profound impact on the development of premature babies. Touch is something we all need on a very regular basis and, when combined with words of love and affirmation, it has a deep and lasting impact to help you connect with your kids. The task is simple–scoop them up in a mama (or papa) bear hug and tell them you feel SO honored to be their mom or dad. Tell them you think that who they are is beautiful, unique and enough and then smother their faces with your kisses. No matter the age, kids love this kind of shameless exhibition of your love for them. Note: Some teens will act like don’t, but do it anyway…they secretly love it.

• Give them a treat or a surprise that will bring a smile to their faces! It seems like treats are the universal kid language of love. I really enjoy watching the faces of my children light up, and this happens the most when they get something yummy and when they get something cool that they didn’t expect. This could be as simple as a small bag of candy or as complicated as making their favorite mocha-strawberry-pistachio cake with chocolate ganache… (Is that a thing? Sounds kinda yummy.) Treats and surprises may vary, and depending upon the age of the child, you could buy the next of a favorite book series or give her that bracelet of yours that she always compliments when you wear it. In my opinion, the best way to use this one to connect with kids is, if applicable, to sit down and enjoy the treat with them. I mean…what a great parenting perk to grab a spoon and share a yummy ice cream sundae with your kiddos! Either way, your kid will know that you thought of them and be happy and grateful that you took time to make him or her feel special!

• At least once per day, stop what you are doing when they interrupt you and put their needs before your need to finish your task. This is a tough one. I am a single mom of five kids but I desire to connect with each of my kids every day. Even if for a few minutes, I try to make each of them feel like they have my full attention. However, most of time, I am doing too many things in order to keep up with our routines and all of the unexpected situations that arise in a given day. My three older kids feel this the most. They know mama is always busy and that she rarely has time for leisure, but I’m still mama; therefore, they need and want for me to know everything that goes on in their lives. This means that, as I am wandering around in the kitchen trying to plan for dinner, they feel it necessary to interrupt me to tell me that they finally found that plastic ring with the face of the character from their favorite movie on it from when they were like five years old. Now, in this instance, I could wave them off and say that I’m busy…I could nod and give a few grunts without eye contact to satisfy them that I heard them…or I could take a few moments to stop, make eye contact, listen to what they have to say, react genuinely and send my kid off to happily continue enjoying the rest of the day. But just taking those few moments allows me to connect with my child and show him or her that they matter and that what matters to them is important to me. Many times, it’s the little things that matter when trying to connect with your kids.

• Encourage them or compliment them in front of someone else, preferably a group of people. Who doesn’t want to be lifted up in front of others about some notable characteristic or a good deed that they did? We all love this. It makes your children feel proud to hear the good things you think of them, and even prouder when acknowledged in front of others. Of course, this is best when done equally with all of the children so that no one feels jealous or inferior to the others. In youth ministry, we would often have times when we sat down with our teens and had an “encouragement circle.” We would start with one person and ask them to say one encouraging thing about another teen. Then that person would pick another person to encourage and we would continue until everyone in the room had heard one encouraging thing about themselves. This never failed to soften the hearts of even the toughest teens in our group. We like to do something similar in our home with our family. It has lots of positive benefits for us, and you could use your own variation of this to connect with your kids.

• Go outside and play with them! There’s no explanation really needed for this one. Your kid will see that you intentionally went outside to spend time with them. Don’t just watch, but join in on the fun. Grab a jump rope or a soccer ball and challenge your kiddos to a match. Have them teach you a cheer or the latest dance moves. Race around the yard or just lie next to them and look up at the sky. Bonus if you can identify shapes in the clouds or just chat about what’s going on in their brains. I’ve always found that outdoor play is an excellent way to connect with your kids and you get the added benefit of some physical exercise (or just fresh air if you’re too tired to run)!

There are many ways to connect with your kids that do not involve a screen, spending lots of money, leaving the house or even setting aside a lot of time. I hope that the ideas I’ve shared with you help in some way to deepen the connection within your family.